billie holiday and a cold walk home in the rain.

billie sings to me,
“you’ve changed,”
and i think,
“god, haven’t i?”
the myriad forgeries of life
steps in shoes too big
so my toes cramp and curl.

i walk by your house
gathering crumbled pavement
to toss at your window
to say
it was me
it was me
it was me all along
insatiable and wintry
and cruel.

i’ve crooned and toasted to
your darkest nights
any time your heart sank
beyond reach.
how i adored your disparaging stare
your ache
‘cause it was for me,
for me,
it was all for me.

i step through puddles,
if i could sink below them,
if i could swim through them west
and away from you
and shame—
who soured this ripe fruit?
what bruises have calloused
impenetrable to daggered teeth,
my, how i’ve changed
and bittered.